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How to make the perfect hard boiled eggs

Step 1: Put two eggs in a pot, fill with cold water so that both eggs are covered. Add salt, because someone on the internet told you to.

Step 2: Place pot on burner, turn burner on, bring to a boil.

Step 3: Remove from burner immediately, let sit for five minutes in an attempt to have a soft-boiled egg.

Step 4: Take eggs out, cool in cold water, crack open, get egg everywhere, they’re not done, throw it all away. Try again.

A few days later…
A: Same as Step 1.

B: Put on burner, and plan follow instructions better this time which are: bring to a boil, simmer for one minute, remove from burner, and then let sit in hot water for 12 minutes.

C: After eggs simmer for a minute, remove from heat, cover, and forget about them.

D: 25-ish minutes later remember that you were doing something in the kitchen and panic that they’ll be overcooked, pour out hot water and try to cool down.

E: Eggs are fine. Slightly green but no worse for the wear. Congrats.

The following week…
i: Decide to replicate A-E, since it worked. Put more eggs in pot this time, fill with water, put on burner.

ii: Larger amount of water takes so long to boil that you forget about it while checking the news (then facebook, then 3 articles and a video later…)

iii: Come back undetermined amount of time later (10-15ish minutes? No clue) to well-boiling water (how long has it been boiling? who knows?), burn hand trying to bring pot to sink to pour out hot water, fill with cold water.

iv: Crack an egg to test it. Expect either egg yolk to come pouring out or for the egg to be waaay overdone.

v: Egg is literally perfect. Good luck replicating that.

I’m good at cooking.

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